Co-parenting with your ex-partner can be challenging, even in ideal circumstances. However, if they have a narcissistic personality, it can feel impossible at times.
Recognizing the difficulties associated with narcissists and having some practical strategies can help smooth out some of the bumps in the road.
Co-parenting challenges
Only a professional can properly diagnose someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but common traits include:
- Lack of empathy
- An inflated sense of self-importance
- An excessive need for admiration
- Struggles to admit wrongdoing
- Uses guilt, manipulation or gaslighting to control others
Co-parenting with such a person can often feel more like conflict management than raising a child together. They may try to take control of all the parenting decisions and refuse to collaborate or compromise. The co-parent with NPD is not above using their children to create drama or gain sympathy. Their personal agenda will take priority over their children’s needs.
There are strategies you can implement that can help you better manage the relationship:
- Set and maintain clear boundaries. Your co-parent will likely try to push the limits, but it’s vital to hold firm. Keep all of your communication focused on parenting issues. You will also want to document your interactions so that you have a record in case legal action becomes necessary.
- Have a detailed and legally binding parenting plan that addresses issues such as custody schedules, holidays, school breaks, decision-making responsibilities and extracurricular activities.
- Avoid getting drawn into power struggles.
- Practice self-care by taking time for relaxation, hobbies and uplifting friendships.
It’s also essential that you prioritize your child’s well-being. They can feel torn between the two people they love most. Listen to their feelings and avoid speaking negatively about the other parent. They are looking to you as a role model.
If your ex-partner proves to be too challenging for a successful co-parenting relationship, you may want to speak with a legal professional to discuss other options, such as parallel parenting.