You love your children with your whole heart and would do anything for them. And, before your divorce, you enjoyed a strong parent-child bond with them.
Since the divorce, it seems like things have changed, and your children no longer want to spend time with you. You’re wondering what you’ve done to make them angry. Chances are, you haven’t done anything; instead, you’re a victim of parental alienation.
Recognizing the signs of parental alienation
Parental alienation occurs when one parent tries to sabotage the relationship between their ex-spouse and children. The alienating parent may demean or criticize the other parent in front of their children, restrict communication or manipulate the child into believing their other parent is untrustworthy or unworthy of their affection in some way.
Here are some early warning signs that your ex-spouse is trying to alienate your children from you:
- Your children’s behavior has suddenly changed. They recently started being hostile toward you without any explanation.
- They are reluctant or refuse outright to spend time with you
- They are repeating phrases or complaints that seem rehearsed or sound like they’re mimicking someone else. Many of the complaints are similar to what you’ve heard directly from your ex.
- Your children won’t acknowledge any of the good experiences you’ve shared.
- They often criticize you while defending the other parent.
Not only does parental alienation have the immediate effect of ruining the parent-child relationship, but it can also have a profound, long-term impact on the children. They are more likely to have low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and trust issues. As they grow older, it becomes difficult for them to form healthy relationships. Children who have been alienated from a parent are also more likely to develop mental health disorders and substance use disorders.
If you recognize the signs of parental alienation in your children, your first instinct may be to start bad-mouthing the other parent to your children, or some other form of retaliation. Instead, there are some steps you can take to protect your relationship with your children, including:
- Keep the lines of communication open and give your children a safe place to share their feelings.
- Maintain detailed records of incidents that you believe are the result of parental alienation.
- Continue to stay involved in your children’s lives.
Family court judges maintain a negative view of parental alienation. You should discuss your situation with a legal professional, especially if alienation tactics are violating custody agreements. They will help you explore your options and protect your parenting rights.