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Focus on solutions, not blaming, in custody issues

The last thing most people want to do is have to communicate with an ex. However, adults who share children together will usually have to do just that. This isn’t always an easy situation but it is the only way that you can effectively co-parent.

One thing that might help you to overcome the difficulties in communication is to agree that you’re going to focus only on the children. This understanding might forestall any mentions of what happened during the marriage or divorce, which could help to alleviate some of the stress that might come up.

Another way you might be able to make things easier is to learn what might set you off. Knowing your trigger points ahead of time can help you to come up with ways to avoid getting upset when those things happen. It’s possible that your ex knows your triggers and will say or do things just to get under your skin.

When you’re dealing with an ex, you need to try to avoid internalizing what they say. Remember that the entire focus of your relationship with them now is raising the children. Everything you say or do should work toward finding solutions for the children.

It is all too easy to fall into the habit of blaming each other for things that happen with the children. Instead of putting your energy there, work on finding ways to help the children overcome the situation.

You may find that having clear communication guidelines, such as always being respectful, might be beneficial. You can include these in the parenting plan so you and your ex know what to expect.


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Practicing in Bartlett Since 1977

Attorney Jeffrey H. Jones is held in high regard among peers, clients and judges throughout the Memphis area.

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