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Bartlett Divorce Law Blog

Divorce emotions can fuel your success if you handle them right

The end of a marriage is a difficult time, even if you wanted the divorce. Some people think that they will be consistently happy when they file; however, they soon realize that there are still some difficult emotions that they have to contend with. This can be challenging, but it is possible to overcome them.

Emotions can come in waves during the period after the split. For some, the first year is the most challenging because they are dealing with many first experiences as a single person. The day the divorce is made final is one that might also invoke strong emotions from you, so you should have a reliable support system available at that time.

Changes in communication with children during divorce

Divorce can bring some major changes between parents and adults. Everyone in the situation has to try to learn how to thrive despite the new circumstances. One thing that might suffer some is your ability to communicate with your children. This is difficult to handle because it might be a significant difference from what was happening before the split.

You have to try to find a new normal with your children. Before, you probably saw them daily. Now, you might go days without laying eyes on them. You might be able to use phone calls, texts and video chats to keep the lines of communication with them open when they aren't with you.

Property division can be affected by a prenuptial agreement

People who are going through a divorce must split the marital assets. But some might simplify the process ahead of time by having a prenuptial agreement in place. If you do have one, you should review it if the marriage falters. This gives you time to fully understand the consequences if you do divorce.

There are several benefits of a prenuptial agreement. First, you can assign premarital assets to one party. This is helpful if there are any assets owned by one spouse prior to the marriage.

Men and women likely have different property division goals

Humans can easily become attached to their material possessions. While this is normal, it can make things challenging when a couple decides that they are going to divorce -- because much of that property will likely have to be divided.

When you are about to go through a divorce, take the time to think about your goals. These aren't necessarily going to be the same as your spouse's, so there should be plenty of room to negotiate as you are going through the various assets and debts that have to be divided.

Help your children to adjust to the changes divorce brings

Now that school has started, your children are likely going through some major emotions. The new year and your divorce can weigh heavily on them. It might be a lot for them to handle right now, but you can help them with this so that they can thrive despite the difficult season they are in. Giving them the skills now to cope with change can benefit them throughout life.

One of the most important things to do is to listen to them. You have to hear the words they speak, but you also need to listen to the meaning behind them. Kids won't always say what they mean. Instead, they sometimes give you clues into what they are feeling. For example, a child who says that their stomach hurts might actually have anxiety over the current situations.

Make the most of even the short visits with your kids

Only getting to see your children for a short period of time can be challenging. If this is what is called for in the parenting plan, you need to make the most of it. For some parents, having a few hours in the middle of the week with the kids might seem pointless. After all, you can't do much during that time. Unfortunately, if you go into the situation with this mindset, you might impact how your child views your relationship.

One of the first things that you need to do is to point out that you are always happy to have time with your kids, even if it is only for a few hours. Try to find something meaningful that you can do with them. This might mean taking a picnic to the park or just going out for ice cream. If you live close by, you might be able to just relax at your house for a bit.

Divorce might trigger separation anxiety

A divorce is a welcome event for some people, but it can be downright traumatic for others. One thing that many adults don't think about is how the split might impact the children. The answer to this varies greatly because some children cope well and others have serious, long-term effects that they will have to work through.

Older children will likely be able to understand the divorce and the fact that it doesn't mean that one parent is going away forever. Younger children might not be able to process that information. This could lead to issues with stress, including separation anxiety. While this condition isn't uncommon in younger children, it might be more pronounced and frequent when their parents split up and end a marriage.

Fight only chosen battles with an uncooperative ex

You have probably seen stories on the internet and television about how divorced parents, and sometimes their new spouses, are working as a team to raise their children. Even though these stories are becoming more popular, there are still some parents who have challenging relationships with exes while they are trying to raise the children.

If you are dealing with an uncooperative ex, you might feel as though you are never going to make it through the upcoming years. Finding a plan to help you cope with their behavior can quickly become a priority.

Special documentation is needed for dividing retirement accounts

Couples who go through a divorce have to divide all of the marital assets during property division process. For many marital assets, this process is fairly simple and can happen without a lot of extra work. Retirement plans are one notable exception to this because they require you to have a special order if they are going to be split.

The qualified domestic relations order (QDRO) sets the legal standard for how these accounts will be divvied up due to the divorce. It names an alternate payee who gets a specific percentage or dollar amount of the retirement plan.

Set the stage for your children to thrive despite divorce

It is often said that you can't move forward until you address the past. This applies to many areas of your life. One of these is your divorce and child custody. How amicable your divorce is can have a direct impact on the child custody relationship you will have moving forward.

Many people who are going through divorce automatically jump into the negative mode of thinking. They focus on every tiny thing they feel their ex did wrong. In order to be able to have a productive and trusting relationship with your ex, you will have to learn to let go of those factors. Your ex can be a good parent even if they weren't a good spouse since those two qualities aren't dependent upon each other.

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